


Barely Breathing

by LoLovely



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Anxiety, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Injured Character, M/M, Original Character - Freeform, Post Graduation, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-20
Updated: 2014-12-13
Packaged: 2018-02-26 08:27:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2645045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoLovely/pseuds/LoLovely
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>High School crushes don't last. For Aiichirou, it seems as if his crush on the notable swim captain had faded away. Now in college, his life has been drowned by essays, classes, and of course his part time job. It was easy to forget and to move on, and that's how life is. Aiichirou liked it that way, until a skype message appears and the sender was no other but Rin Matsuoka.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I think there's a lack of abundance of RinTori fics, especially post high school ones. I like their relationship canonly, but after Sousuke was release, Rintori has been cast aside like it was nothing. After all, the purpose of Nitori was to be Rin's support. I'm not complaining though. This is my interpretation on what happens after Nitori graduates high school.  
> Special thanks to http://nikkithewonderous.tumblr.com/ for editing this piece of shit. She's great everyone.  
> *Please note that destructive criticism is not welcomed and will be deleted upon posting. However, constructive criticism is highly encouraged thank you.

The silence of the room beats against Ai's ears while the light from the window shift from one side to the other. The city of Tokyo is as busy as ever, yet somehow the room stays  completely silent, nothing but the clock ticking as each second passes by. Not a moment later, Ai removes the covers from his body as he rolls out of bed. In his tiny dorm, Ai walks  over to his desk as he opens  the laptop that rest atop of it. Once the laptop was completely open, Ai squints his eyes since the screen was the brightest light source in the room. On the screen was a small message from Skype noting him of a recent IM that was sent by Rin.  

 

Curious as to what the message was, Ai quickly clicks on it. Before he actually read it, his eyes quickly glance towards the time which read _2:43_. The message from  Rin wasn't too long, yet it was quite significant. Ai could only stare for a moment before a smile crept upon his face.

_        rmatsuoka: _

_            I miss you. _

Ai drums his fingers against the keyboard while smiling to himself. An old senior whom Ai admired finally messaged him after a whole two years of silence. It made Ai happy but at the same time confused. On the day Rin Matsuoka graduated, Ai gathered the courage to confess to his high school crush. He knew that a structured relationship wasn't going to work, but regrets in high school are hard to forget. The last time the two has seen each other was bittersweet. Ai could remember how Rin smiled at him. From there, Ai could hardly remember what Rin replied, but knowing that Ai had the courage to confess made it enough.

_        rmatsuoka: _

_            I hope youre doing well. _

The messages from skype were enough to get Ai in a giddy mood at three o'clock in the morning . Ai hasn't reply to both messages yet, but, rereading them over and over made the boy blush from excitement. With his palms sweaty, Ai began to reply.

_        ducklingsavior: _

_            I miss u 2 _

_           I hope ur doing well too. _

After the messages were sent, Rin went offline. Ai stares for a moment or two before he gave in and closed his laptop. It's only five o'clock in the morning in Sydney, perhaps Rin fell asleep. Ai then glances back at his clock and it reads  _2:54_. Although Ai should probably head to bed soon, he doesn't. Instead he just walks back to the bed and lays down. He plans on sleeping in anyway. If he happens to oversleep, oh well. It wasn't an important class anyway; he could easily make up the work online. It's a great thing to have technology around.

 As he lays there, Ai thinks about  Rin. He wonders how he is doing, and he wonders if Rin  ever thought about him. To be completely honest, Ai almost forgot about Rin up until now. A lot has happened, and it's silly to think about a high school crush. However, a skype message ignited a flame inside Ai's chest and the feeling itself had an uncanny familiarity that was welcoming and eerie at the same time. He hugs his body at the thought and tried to calm his mind. The more he thinks about Rin, the harder it was to remove the redheaded swimmer from his mind. It came to the point of mental exhaustion where Ai's eyes grew heavy and closed. 


	2. Nostalgia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never realized how busy I am until I actually started to do something for fun such as fanfic writing. I should try updating once a week, but if I don't I'll try to update as fast as I can. I'm actually really happy that I've gotten twenty eight kudos on this. I have to admit that it's been YEARS since I've written fanfiction. Ever since then, I think my writing has improved somehow. Anywho, I try to make this chapter not so long yet not so short. There's an OC in this fic somewhere, but I feel as if they could help push the plot along. Another thing is that feel free to leave constructive criticism since I need them real badly. Anyway here's the actual first chapter.

 

Ever since high school, Ai never enjoyed English. In a lecture hall filled with 150 students made it difficult for Ai to comprehend anything in his English class. As the professor ramble on about grammar and vocabulary, Ai attempts to keep up what the professor was trying to say while writing feverishly on his notebook. Ai forgot why he took the class in the first place, but after the Skype message he received from Rin, he suddenly remembered. Ai originally took the class in hopes to visit Rin one day and not have to struggle with English. So far, Ai seems hopeless.

"You look constipated" Ai snaps back out from his trance and turns his head towards the person sitting next to him. The guy next to Ai was rather an aloof character who seems to only go to class to sleep. Surprisingly, he gets the material and does well in his test. "Making that face won't make you any less bad at this class"

Ai narrows his eyes as his face scrunches up into a frown. "You know  Sena-san, I don't need to hear that from you." Sena  Jun isn't a bad guy, it's just his comments are unnecessary sometimes. However, Sena would often volunteer to tutor Ai, although he knew that Ai was a lost cause. 

Sena yawns before straightening his back. He looked sleepier than usual but Ai doesn't comment on it. The guy always came to school looking like he barely had any sleep while at the same time looked angry at the world. However this time  Sena  looked like he hadn't slept the whole night. "Of course you don't" Sena  replies. He pushes his hair thick blonde curly hair out of his face so  he  could get a better look at Ai. 

"You look tired,  Sena-san" Ai comments. 

"No shit"

There was an awkward long pause between them with Ai tapping the top of his pen against his desk. "I'm guessing it's your roommate again, huh?" Sena nods.

"And something is eating you" Ai freezes at what Sena had just said. For some reason, Sena was very good at reading people and Ai is always a victim of it. "Bingo."

Ai didn't reply, instead he pulls out his phone and pretends to text someone. Sena frowns at Ai seeing how he had been ignored. Ai could feel Sena burn a hole through his skull and before the two could even speak, the professor announces that class was over. 

"Let's go get some coffee, Nitori" It was more like a demand from Sena rather than a request. Even so, Ai complied. The two walk out of the lecture hall and walked about five minutes to the campus’s coffee shop. Although the place was a hot spot for students, the shop was unusually vacant. Not that the two of them were complaining. More room for them to sit. 

Ai got himself a latte, while Sena got black coffee. The two sit by the corner near the outputs so they can charge their respective laptops. Ai removed his laptop from his bag and turned it on. It's been almost a week since Rin wrote back, and no matter how many messages Ai writes to him, there was still no answer. After Ai's laptop screen showed his homescreen, he immediately cheeks his Skype to see if there are any messages. There were none.

"Anything wrong Nitori?" Sena asks as he looks up from his own laptop. Ai just shakes his head in response. Sena looked skeptical for a moment but chooses not to pry. 

Ai scrolled through his short conversations with Rin, but it seems as if Rin wasn't interested to talk to him although it was him who initiated the conversation. Ai was back in square one again. 

"Stop looking constipated" Ai looked up at Sena and frowns at him. Sena himself was idly chewing on a straw looking more bored than usual. 

"Why did you even invite me if you're here to insult me"

"I'm not, you're just making a face." Ai knows that Sena knows something but isn't saying anything. It bothers Ai a lot that Sena does this to him. "You've been making the same face for about five minutes now. I don't even think you're doing homework or studying, you're usually not like this"

Sena had a point. Ai was very much into his school work more than he actually was on his social life.  His only friend was this bum seated in front of him since his swimming days were way behind him. Sometimes Ai wishes that it was just like the old times. He knew it will never be the same. 

Ai never replied to  Sena  and instead just refocuses his gaze on his laptop screen.  Rin’s  account stays offline for the amount of time Ai was staring at it. There wasn't going to be another conversation anytime soon, so Ai just signs out of Skype and chooses to do something else while he has wifi.

“Hey  Nitori ” Ai glances towards  Sena  once more. “Is it a girl that you like that's been bothering you?”

Ai nearly chokes on his latte. Although Sena was in the right track, but it shocked him that his friend could say this so casually. “I-it’s not!” Ai protests. Sena  just gives Ai a look as he drinks the rest of his coffee.

“You're a terrible liar, Nitori ” Sena  is sharp as ever. The blonde pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose then clears his throat. “Girls aren't really my specialty, but not talking about your problems  ain't good, you know”

Ai could only stare in disbelief since this was the first Sena  has ever shown concern. Usually  Sena  was a sarcastic, insulting, kind of guy who don't really care for much about anything, let alone, Ai’s problems. Ai flashes Sena  a soft smile before shaking his head. “It's okay.” He says. “It's not about a girl, it's about something else. Don't worry about me” Although Ai knows that  Sena won't pry much, but Ai would now consider Sena as someone to talk to when he needs someone.

Satisfied with the answer Ai gave him, Sena didn't say much. Instead the two changed the subject to English with Sena trying to help Ai comprehend the material. As usual, Ai was hopeless.

Ai’s last class was at 3:00pm and it was his day off. It means that Ai could catch up on his sleep or have more leisure time than usual. As he arrives in his dorm, Ai does not hesitate to fall onto his  small twin size bed. His dorm was small, but it was enough for him. Although he does have to admit that his dorm in Samezuka was a tad bit larger than the dorm he currently resides in. Not that he minds at all. He also has to understand that he doesn't have a roommate anymore. The thought was almost lonesome.

Then, once his body relaxes after it hits the bed, Ai quickly grabbed his laptop out of his bag. Once on his lap, Ai doesn't hesitate to log into Skype, but much go his disappointment,  Rin was once again offline.  The obsessive checking of his Skype wasn't healthy, but it's been a damn week and still no word from  Rin . It angers and frustrates Ai, leaving him to wonder why would his senior from high school message him after two years of silence. Not only that, but why did Rin have to tell Ai that he misses him. To Ai, it made no sense.

Angry and frustrated, Ai pushes his laptop to the foot of his bed, now wrapping his body  with  his big ol’ quilt. Moments passed and a familiar alarm sound emitted from Ai’s laptop. Ai slowly turns his attention to the laptop before grabbing it. His eyes widen at the sight when Rin  Matsuoka messages again.  

_ rmatsuoka :  _

_ Hey _

Ai kept reading the same word over and over again. He can't believe it was Rin  who had messaged him. Ai, a while ago felt that he needed to give up. Now, Ai could feel his stomach turning with  excitement and nervousness. He knew that it was only Rin who can make him feel this way.

_ rmatsuoka : _

_ Sorry I've been busy. _

Ai had to read those lines over and over again before the reality came back and realizes that Rin had messaged him.  Nervous—absolutely  terrifyingly nervous, that Ai was actually shaking in his seat. What should he say? How should he reply? All of these questions ran through his mind  until another familiar beep came up.

_ rmatsuoka : _

_ I'm going to call you. _

Before Ai could even react, the tone for a Skype call came up. Ai jumps to his feet and quickly answers the call. Upon answering, the Skype call adjust its resolution until Rin’s face was clear as day. Ai was surprised how much Rin has changed over two years. His face seems more mature, and his body bulked up a bit too. Also, Rin grew a goatee which actually looks good on him. Ai could feel his heart beat against his chest. He could almost believe that Rin could hear it himself.

“R-Rin-senpai!” Ai manages to choke out. Rin smiles in return and leans over to the camera to get a better look.

“Stop calling me senpai ” Rin protests. “I'm not your senpai anymore okay?” Ai just blushes and nods in agreement. Rin smirks in response to Ai’s gestures. “You look different”

Ai stares back up at the camera, giving Rin a confused look. “I do?” Rin nods. Ai never thought he'd look any different than he did in high school. He was fairly short still, though he grew a couple of inches, and his body seems smaller now since he'd stop swimming. “Thanks I guess…” Ai blushes and turns away, hoping to remove the image of Rin smirking at him. He could feel it though; Rin  was definitely smirking and Ai had no balls to turn to the camera.

“You look different too senpa—I mean, Rin.” Ai catches himself before he could say the “s” word. Even if he did, Rin would respond negatively to it and would correct Ai on it. “Not in a bad way though. You look like a real swimmer”

Rin’s eyes widens then soften right after. The soft look on Rin’s face made Ai’s heart beat even faster. It was one of those rare moments where Rin just becomes soft. Ai loved that about Rin. He loved every thing about the man and now after two years, the feelings remain unchanged. Rin never did gave an answer to Ai back then which made him curious.

“I-I mean you've always looked like a swimmer, Rin! You just look much more professional looking” Now, Rin was showing his usual peculiar set of teeth, while rotating his shoulder back. His muscles  flex at each turn that got Ai almost turn most of his attention towards the large set of muscles.

“Yeah, training over here is pretty intense, especially since I've been competing against huge white dudes” Ai just giggles in response. “Hey? What’s so funny?”

Ai shakes his head. “Nothing. I just miss you” The two share a smile, and a short silence. It wasn't awkward, it was more peaceful than anything. Ai watched as  Rin’s  chest rise then fall while noting the length of hair Rin’s hair has grown. Rin was more than a thousand miles yet Ai could feel his  presence close to him. Ai opens his mouth to speak but quickly closes it. He wants to be selfish. He wants  Rin close to him. Instead he smiles and says “I hope you do your best, Rin!”

It takes a while for Rin to answer but replies with a soft, “Yeah.”  Nothing much was said after that. Ai could tell something was bothering the man but  wasn't going to pry. However, he feels that Rin was just probably lonely and homesick.

“ _Rin_ _! Are you all packed up?!_ ” Ai hears someone speaking English in the background. Due to his lack of English ability, he wasn't able to comprehend much of what that person said to Rin.

“ _Yes, Lori! I'm all packed up!_ ” Rin replies in perfect English as always. Rin then turns back to Ai and slumps back on his desk chair. “That was my housing mother. She actually nags me more than my actual mother .”

“Well, now you know she cares!” Ai responses.  Rin  could only smile at that. “Besides, I would probably nag at you too!”

“Are you saying you care? ”

Ai’s eyes widen now realizing what he just said. His cheeks turn read as he huffs his cheeks full of air. “Of course I do, idiot!” 

“Oh?” Ai realizes what he just said and flushed furiously. “I'm glad to hear that from you then.” Rinsmirks at Ai’s reaction to what he said. Before Ai could've said anything, more English words were spoken from the background and Rin responded right back at them. “Hey, Ai, I need to go. It was nice talking to you again”

Ai feels bummed out that Rin had to suddenly leave, yet  he feels a little happy that he finally got to see  Rin  after two years. It's a nostalgic feeling and he doesn't want it to end. “I'm glad I got to talk to you again”

“Yeah me too.” That was the last thing Rin said to him before turning off the camera.

Ai hugs his knees now feeling an abundance of loneliness. His chest feels heavy from the washed back memories that he had repressed for two years. How long has it been since he felt this way? How long has it been since he felt his throat clench up like this? It almost feels like he needs to cry. He doesn't. Instead, Ai just lays back down on his tiny twin bed and  wraps himself up like a burrito.

The room suddenly became dark as the window was the only source of natural light.  Then the light from the window shifted from one side to the other Ai remembers the first time Rin messaged him. It felt liberating. However, after seeing  Rin  once again, felt like he was bound in chains. 

As Ai lays on his bed silently still, his eyes grew heavy and tired until he could no longer open them anymore.

The next morning, Ai hears loud banging noises from his door. The poor guy slowly got up then slowly walks towards the door. He opens it to find Sena standing there with two cups of coffee. “You overslept, Nitori ” Sena  hands  Nitori  the coffee and gives him a notebook. “You missed your first class so I'm handing you some notes I've got from  Kuroi. He said that the stuff you guys are learning is n't  that bad.”

Ai takes the notebook from Sena and places it on his bedside table. Without even saying a word, Sena invites himself inside. “So you came on over to bother me?”

Sena removes his shoes and walks hastily to the bed where he made himself comfortable. “No I'm here to make sure you're not late for your next class.”

Ai just eyes Sena then glances to his desk clock. It read  _11:32 _  and his next class was at 12:00. Then Ai’s eyes widen in surprise as he hurries to get changed. At this point Ai didn't care about Sena seeing him in his underwear. Being in a swim team in high school only proved that Ai had no shame on changing in front of Sena. In fact, Sena doesn't seem to mind all that much. 

"Hey Nitori, this isn't like you." Ai pauses for one moment, then turns to Sena with a curious look. "You're always on top of your game, you know? Right now you seem kind of out of it"

Ai can't deny he's been spacing out as of late. He can't entirely blame Rin either, but somehow, Rin could've been the cause of it. Ai doesn't want to outwardly admit that yet, so instead he smiles at  Sena. "Yeah, I'm just a little stressed, that's all"

Sena just looks at  Ai skeptically, but chooses not to say anything afterwards. "If you say so"

"Look at the time! I better get going!" Ai puts on his final article of clothing which is mismatch socks (due to the haste he doesn't have time to look for something of the same kind), then rushes to the door.  Sena  follows Ai closely behind and joins Ai with putting shoes on. After Ai had finished putting his shoes on, he gets up quickly then takes his school bag before swinging over his shoulder. "Are you ready Sena?" 

Sena nods then opens the door for Ai. The two walk for about five minutes until they separated to their respective classes. Ai had to walk for another ten minutes before getting to his class. On his way, Ai wasn't paying attention so he inevitably bumps into someone in front of him. 

"I-I'm so sorry! I wasn't looking!" Perhaps Sena was right about Ai being out of it. Ai bows apologetically before walking away from the stranger. Before he can walk any farther, the stranger grabs his wrist. "H-Hey! I need to get to class!"

"Even after two years, you're still the same." Ai stops struggling, then turns to the stranger who had most of his face concealed with a hat and his jacket. His voice and aura was uncannily  familiar. 

Then Ai put two and two together and realizes how it was. "S-Senpai ?!"

The man removes his hat and those familiar red locks fall then frames that face beautifully. Then, he gives Ai a  sharky , toothy grin that got Ai's chest racing a mile a minute. " Yo ." There are no doubt in Ai's mind. This man was definitely, inevitably  the one and only Rin Matsuoka.


	3. Memories

"Something's bothering you, again" Ai looks at Sena who was chewing idly on a fry. The two had gone out to get something to eat that afternoon right after Ai ran into Rin. It was almost surreal that at first Ai thought it was just a dream. However, it was real; Rin was there in his university. "And stop looking constipated, people are staring."

"Sorry" Sena frowns at that response. He knew that Ai wouldn't respond with sorry. Sena knew that Ai lacked balls, but not to this point. Ai knew how to be bold with Sena's remarks. In this situation, he doesn’t.

"Okay just spit it out already, Nitori" Ai was surprised at Sena's change of voice. He didn't think Sena would take interest in his problems, but the way Sena staring at him sort of intimidated and relieved him at the same time. Ai sighs in defeat and closes the textbook he had with him.

"It's about a senior I had in high school" Sena just tilts his head. "J-Just don't freak out when I tell you this okay?" Ai swallows hard as he clenches his fist tightly into a ball. Then, he leans over close to Sena's ear to whispers something. "I-I'm gay"

"That's it? That's your big secret? You have the hots on your senior, who's a guy?" Ai flushes at how casual Sena could be. Sena just sighs and leans his head against his palm. This small gesture usually indicates that Sena is interested in the topic. "Now what's really bothering you, Nitori?"

"W-well you see, my senior moved to Australia after he graduated and it's been two years since I saw him. Well, up until earlier today, I saw him on my way to class" Ai relived the moment as he covers his face with his palms.

"Then what happened?"

"Nothing...I just ran off." Ai cringed at his actions. He could've acted less rude and made the excuse that he was late to class. "I was talking to him on Skype last night, though. I don't know why he's here, or why he suddenly talked to me after two years, but it hurts Sena-san...It really hurts" Ai then places his head on the table and felt his chest tighten up at the thought of Rin. He didn't know why it hurts so bad.

Now feeling the situation got worse, Sena quickly stands up and takes a seat next to Ai. He then wraps his arm around the smaller male while comfortingly rub his shoulders. All Ai could do was scoot into the man's warmth and feel the comfort of home. "Don't kill yourself over that. Maybe he has business here, in Japan" Ai nods. "Now wipe your face, people are really starting to wonder okay?"

Ai does what he was told and lifts his head up. The last thing he wants is to have people stare at him for crying in a public area. Ai was never good at holding in his feelings, but he has to try. "I should get home..." Ai then collects his things and pushes them into his cluttered book bag. "I'll see you tomorrow, Sena-san"

"Don't oversleep this time, Nitori" Sena gets up to let Ai out as he watches his companion leave.

Ai felt a little better by talking to Sena about his problems. He never thought that Sena could be a helpful friend since all the guy would do was insult him with his constipation jokes. Ai does have to admit that he has a peculiar face that made him look constipated.

As Ai was walking home quietly, flashes of the events that happened earlier kept replaying in his mind. Ai could remember the way Rin's hand felt against his wrist. He pulls his wrist to his

chest, feeling the burning sensation against his skin. No matter how much Ai pushes the thought away, it comes back ten folds.

"Hey watch it!"

Ai snaps out of it and looks up to find that he had bumped into some stranger while walking to his dorm. He mumbles a small apology before makes his way to his dorm. About almost half way there, his phone vibrates in his pocket along with the Skype tone. It was probably Rin.

_rmatsuoka:_

_Did I do something wrong?_

_I want to see you._

Ai lifts a brow at the messages, wondering about the reasons why Rin decides to message him so suddenly. Why did Rin want to see him? Was it important? Probably. Did he want to go? His mind stops at that last question then ponders for a good moment. He probably does want to go see him. He pulls out his phone again and goes to the Skype conversation he had with Rin. The last thing he wants is for Rin to think that Ai doesn't want anything to do with him.

_ducklingsavior:_

_Where do you want to meet up?_

_I'm available right now._

Surprisingly, Rin replies almost immediately.

_rmatsuoka:_

_I'm in the starbucks by west hall_

Ai sighs then places his phone back in his pocket. West Hall isn't too far from here he lives, so walking there won't be an inconvenience. As he walks to his destination, Ai's breathing becomes ragged, while his palms sweat from a mix of anxiousness and excitement. How will this play out? He'd often ask himself as he walks to Starbucks. Two years and this is the surprise Rin gives Ai? It was pleasant and terrifying at the same time. The question is, how will Ai confront Rin?

After a good ten minute walk, Ai arrives at Starbucks. He enters the shop to be only hit by a sudden smell of coffee and warm pastries. His eyes scan the area until he found a man with an all too familiar red (fuchsia) hair. He thought about leaving, but Ai swallows everything he has to lose and walks up to Rin, sitting right in front of him.

Rin removes his gaze from his phone and turns his attention to Ai. Ai blushes in response, now averting his gaze away from the older man. "I'm glad you made it" Rin finally says. His voice was deep, deeper that it was back in high school. His face certainly matured, especially with that goatee Rin's been growing out. Ai's gaze went from Rin's face to his chest. As usual, Rin never got rid of the habit of wearing lose tank tops (but tastefully wore a sweater over it). It really showed off much of Rin's notable tattoo. It looked good on him, and Ai couldn't help but stare.

"Did it hurt?" Ai unconsciously asks. Rin in response just stare confused. "I-I mean your tattoo!"

Rin laughs a little at Ai's words, and leans back against his chair. "Yeah a bit, but I got it a year ago, so it doesn't hurt anymore" Ai wants to touch it so bad, but he's scared that Rin would feel grossed out. "You can touch it if you want" As if Rin read Ai's mind, Ai just blushes and moves slowly to touch Rin's tattoo. Ai wonders what sort of motivation made Rin get a tattoo, but he'd be lying if he thought that the tattoo didn't look good on Rin.

Ai pulls away after a good second of tracing his fingers along the tattoo. "How are you, Rin?"

Rin smiles at Ai which made Ai's chest race. "I've been good." A long pause was made, and Ai had no idea how to fill those spaces. "You look...good too"

Ai looks up at Rin once again and the two just smile at each other. _It's been too long,_ Ai thinks. He almost wishes that Rin could just stay forever, but swimming in the Olympics had always been Rin’s dream. Ai had other plans too. Studying marine biology was something Ai became passionate about just recently. The two had different paths that can't be crossed. Ai just have to accept his fate.

“Say, Ai, what’s your major?” Ai looks up at Rin curiously. What's so important about his major anyway?

“Marine biology” Ai replies anyway. “I recently got interested in shark conservation and trying to stop shark finning, you know?” For some reason Ai feels that Rin might find his career path silly, but the older male didn't comment much, let alone insult it.

“You stopped swimming?” There was a tang of hurt in Rin’s voice. Ai remembers the day Rin had a fit when he had told Ai that he was done swimming then proceeds to kick the waste bin. The sight was horrifying, but Ai was glad Rin was alright after.

“Yeah I stopped swimming” Ai fears what Rin could react. Ai knows Rin well enough that he wants Ai to continue swimming. “S-swimming isn't for me at all, Rin! I-I mean I'll be swimming a lot in my career though, not competitively at least”

Rin doesn't comment much, but instead sighs heavily. “I thought you'd do something like that. Helping wild life and shit.” Ai felt relieved that Rin hadn't said much about his decision on quitting swimming. “Ah shit sorry, Ai…it's just I haven't seen in you so long that I—“

“I know” Ai cuts him off. “I know it's been a long time, Rin.”

“I totally agree. Far too long” They two fell into a comfortable silence. Ai was fine with that. He likes it when he and Rin are silent like this. He likes to remember the time the two of them shared in Samezuka. “I feel like I'm at home already.”

“I'm glad.” Ai checks his phone to look the time. _6:37pm_. It's too early to leave yet, but this conversation is going no where. Ai wonders why Rin came back in the first place. He doesn't want to pry, but everything seems alright.

“You're probably confused on why I came back” That caught Ai’s attention almost immediately. “I can't tell you anything right now. You're the only one who knows, not even Haru or Makoto knows about this, even Sousuke too.”

Ai was surprised to hear that. Ai never thought that Rin trusts him this much, but after hearing all he said made Ai feel a little better. “You want me to keep quiet about this?” Rin nods. “Then why haven't you called me for two years? Or even sent an email or something?”

That caught Rin off guard. He opens his mouth to say something but quickly closes it. Ai suspects that something happen but he doesn't want to dwell into it. “Like I said, Ai, I can't tell you anything right now.”

Ai doesn't want to admit that he's a little hurt, but Rin was going through something that Ai can't figure out. He's getting even more worried the more the two sat there silently. Was it wrong to worry? Perhaps it wasn't any of his business. Ai probably thinks that Rin only told him is because he isn't close to Haruka or Makoto the way Rin was. In a way it made Ai feel out of place. “Alright, but I have to go” Ai gathers his things and without another word, he leaves Rin behind.

Ai arrives in his dorm room feeling like—what’s the word? _Shit,_ as Sena would put it. He jumps onto his bed feeling the raw emotion he was just feeling moments before. Rin was back, but Ai had no idea why. He decides not to linger on the subject and go grabs his back that he had thrown onto the floor. From there, he removes the heavy text books he lugs around all day and quickly read through the material he learned.

The events that happened made it hard for Ai to concentrate on his studies. A million things jumbled together in his mind like a jungle. He thought everything was over, he thought that he wouldn't have to encounter Rin. He was wrong. He was very wrong. Feeling like nothing has been achieved, Ai takes out his phone to text Sena to see if he was available to talk.

_Sena-san r u there?_

Ai didn't wait long for Sena to reply.

_yea im here. wat do u need?_

Ai ponders if he should tell Sena how he feels about Rin at the moment and his conflicting feelings. He knows that Sena won't mind, but perhaps Sena would be too busy.

_nothing. nevermind, sena-san_

Sena replies with a _'k'_

Ai throws his phone over to his desk, not caring if it did some damage. He'd done it a couple of times so his phone should be fine. Not long after, he decides that going to the web would help him ease his nerves. So, he goes to where his book bag is and take out his trusty laptop. He turns it on and waits for it to boot up. It takes about two minutes for the computer to load Ai's desktop and another thirty seconds for it to open up google chrome.

The first thing Ai does is check his email. Not much was there except some emails from Momo who kept him updated on the swim team for the past couple of months. Then there were emails from professors whom Ai had the guts to suck up to ever since he started college, No harm in doing so right? After Ai checks him email, he logs out from his email, then, to go to some website by searching up cats. He looked through the image search for about ten minutes before turning off his laptop.

There was no helping it; Rin Matsuoka is forever burnt inside Ai's mind for the rest of the time Rin continues to appear in his life. Ai releases a frustrated groan before throwing himself down onto his bed. He checks the time again and finds that it's only 8:13pm. Time is going slower than usual. He blames Rin. He's blaming for Rin now, and he can't help it. He's the one who made Ai feel this way and Ai can't help but blame him.

Many moments later, Ai fell asleep, with his dreams filling the thought of Rin running through his mind.

[x]

_It was the spring of Ai's third year and it was time for the former upperclassmen to graduate. He was handed the responsibility of being the captain of the swim team, by the one and only Captain Rin Matsuoka. It was an honor for Ai to be able to be given such title but he'd often question why the older man gave him the responsibility to lead a whole team of swimmers of a powerhouse. Regardless, Ai was grateful for this opportunity._

_The award ceremony was starting soon, and most of the swim team attended, to support all the third years and their futures. Ai watches Rin as the red head received his award. It ached to have to watch Rin move on. It was just a reminder that Rin was growing, and fast. It seems that no matter how fast Ai ran, Rin seems to be out of reach. He could reach for all his might and still not be able to reach at the level Rin is at. However, before Rin goes, Ai decides to tell the former captain his true feelings._

_After the award ceremony, Ai catches up to Rin who was happily smiling amongst his fellow third years. "R-Rin-senpai!" Ai manages to catch Rin's attention which made the boy even more nervous._

_"What is it Ai?" Ai freezes up but, approaches his senior is a slow pace. Rin saw what was going on and tells the other third years to leave the two alone. "Anything wrong?"_

_"N-No!" Ai lies. Then, he looks away from the older boy, in fear of fainting if he saw Rin's face. "I-I just have something to tell you" Now all of Rin's attention turn towards Ai. Ai felt his nerves ignite and all his brain is trying to warn him is to run as far as he can. "I have a confession, Rin-senpai. Y-You were my first friend here...and I feel that it's only appropriate to tell you this on your last day here in Samezuka, so I won't have any regrets." Ai pauses, takes a deep breath, then continues. "I-I like you...I've liked you from the moment I first saw you. I didn't realize it at first and the more I got to know you, the more I liked you. Please don't think differently of me!"_

_Ai bows deeply and waits for Rin's response and expect some sort of disgusted reaction. Instead, he gets an affectionate pat on the head. "I'm glad I got to hear that" Surprised, Ai slowly gets up from his bow and stares at Rin confused. "I'm glad you found your courage Ai. I'm proud of you"_

_All Ai could remember was how the cherry blossoms glide down the air. He remembers how clear Rin's expression was as he leaves the pool area for the last time._

[x]

Ai wakes up from a very nostalgic dream. His chest was starting to ache again so he gets up from bed. He turns to the clock which read 5:24am. It's too early Ai thinks. He ponders about going back to bed, but decide against it and decides to go to the shower instead. After all, early mornings are always the best time to take a shower.

Ai hauls himself out of bed and grabs his things he needs for the bath. He walks out to the shower rooms. Once he arrived, he notices that the place was empty which was actually a nice change. Usually mornings were full with the boys in his floor. It made Ai feel safe. At least in here he can think properly for once.

As he approach an empty shower area, he starts to disrobe before turning on the shower. He made sure that the water wasn't too cold or too hot. Once the shower temperature was just about right, Ai steps inside and let the warm water hit his skin, making his muscles relax. He stays under the water for about two minutes before he starts on washing his hair. There, he feels completely relaxed, though he can't help but think about Rin. He then rinses the suds out of his hair then proceed to wash his body, Once he was done, he turns off the shower head and wraps himself with a towel. By now It should be around 5:50am. Ai gets dressed, freshens up, then readies himself for the day.

Rin won't bother him. Focus, Ai, focus. Ai breathes in deeply and he begins the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I do admit this is a little rushed. I wrote this in a span of two days. I worked on it when I have free time. Basically this is just a sad attempt on an angsty chapter. I tried right? I made sure to proof read it as best as I can but I don't know if I caught all the mistakes in it. Feedback is nice, okay guys?


	4. Heated Anger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ! There is mentions of anxiety in this chapter that may be harmful to the reader. Please take Caution when reading this chapter.  
> I keep forgetting to mention this. Sena is Sena's last name and basically Ai will refer to every OC by their last names. I feel it's necessary for me to make OCs because Ai is basically all alone right now in a college without anyone he knew in high school. The OCs are there to serve a purpose to keep the story line going. I did mention Momo beforehand and I'm going to add Sousuke in later chapters, but most of Ai's interactions are with OCs throughout the fic. I really do appreciate the comments and the feedback! I will try my best to improve my writing by taking your advises. Also, because of the long Thanksgiving weekend, I won't be able to update since I try to update once every two days or so. It takes me about two days to write a chapter and about an hour to proof-read and polish up. I do however have to work pretty much all weekend which sucks. I probably will have some time to write but try not to get your hopes up.  
> My tumblr: https://psalmlee.tumblr.com

Sunday afternoons were the worst to come in for work, It was slow, with people rarely coming in to get a cup of coffee. Ai sits idly by the counter, fiddling with the pen and notepad he had with him. He scribbles something about stuff he needs to do once he got home to keep himself from being bored to death, The coffee shop was relatively empty except for a couple of students who came in to get coffee to nurse their hangover from any Saturday parties they may have gone to. Ai had the unfortunate fate to be working all weekend. It's not that he minds, he just feels  that he  lacks the free time to do anything fun.  Sena  got to do what he wants on the weekend such as go to his nerd conventions or something like that. Ai releases a long sigh not even caring who is watching the cash register at this point. There was a lack of costumers, so it should be fine. The Sunday afternoon finally got to him until Ai's eyes starts to slowly drift close.

"Ai-chan!" Ai quickly snaps his eyes open to notice one of his coworker gesturing him to the back of the corner. She was blushing, almost to the point of squealing. Ai sighs and does what he was told. 

"You know Kimura-san, if you get excited over nothing, I'm going to the back closet to sleep" Ai didn’t want to deal with anyone right now. He just wants to go home and sleep.

"This is important, Ai-chan! Come look!" Ai was forcefully pulled by Kimura and had his gaze forcefully moved towards a costumer who had just entered the store. Ai's eye widens at the sight. "That's  Rin Matsuoka! He's an international swimmer with that God-like body! I'd like to lick him all over"

"Kimura-san please" Ai moves away from the drooling girl and sort of hides his face away from Rin. There was a chance that the man was just there for some coffee. Yeah, Rin was there for some coffee, nothing else. 

"I'm going to take his order okay!" Kimura announces.

"And, I'm going to take my break" Ai removes his apron and places it to the side before going into the break room. It was just the two of them working that Sunday afternoon and quite frankly, there was no point of Ai working if Kimura was there to flirt with Rin the whole time. For some reason, Ai felt some sort of envy towards Kimura. Kimura was a pretty girl he admits, with a large pair of assets and a cute cherubic face. Ai couldn't find any good qualities he sees in himself. Ai was scrawny, short, and lithe. Every since he stopped swimming, his muscles deflated until he's pretty much skin and bones. Fat doesn't even exist in his anatomy.

“Ai-chan!” Kimura probably broke the coffee machine again. Ai groans and gets off from his seat in the break room. 

Instead of a broken coffee machine, Kimura was gesturing over to where Rin was. Ai’s heart sinks down  to his stomach as soon as he caught sight of  Rin. “ Yo . ” Rin waves at Ai and Ai waves back with a nervous smile on his face.

“Rin?” 

“I didn't know you work here” Ai rolls his eyes. Of course Rin would say something like that.

“ Does the uniform and the hat give it away?” Rin laughs lightly.

“You've gain some sarcasm, eh ?” Ai frowns. "Okay, okay, don't give me that look"

"Do you want coffee or something, because Kimura can take your order. I'm on break right now"

"For how long?"

"What?"

"How long is your break?" Rin asks again. Kimura in the background was almost squealing with excitement, and Ai can't help but feel alienated in this situation. 

"An hour" Ai replies anyways, and  Rin  smirks back at him,

"Let me buy you some coffee then" Kimura almost squeals and jumps over to the register. "What do you say, Ai?"

Now in a uncomfortable situation, Ai feels like running out from the store and never coming back, but Rin had this hopeful look that he can't help but reluctantly agree. "Give me a minute" Ai removes his hat and hands it to Kimura who was still shaking from excitement. Ai still questions why she was so excited for him. Ai  had nothing to do with Rin nor does he  want anything to do with Rin right now. Kimura was just overreacting. But somehow Rin always sliver right into Ai's life like a inevitable fate.

Both Ai and Rin sit by the back corner away from the prying eyes of Kimura. "You haven't Skyped me in a while" 

"Been busy" Ai replies nonchalantly as  he sips his coffee, then pulling back from the bitterness.  "I'm on eighteen credit hours per semester, you know. I don't really have much time to do anything"

"This is actually the first time I have free time, but why not you? Is it because of your major?" Ai nods. "Yeah I wish I could do what you can do sometimes"

Ai quirks a brow. "You're going to reach your goal right? You said you want to be an Olympic swimmer right?"

"Yeah I do, but as much as I hate it, I miss having to go to school" 

Silence.

Ai glances towards the clock and saw that there was about forty five more minutes left in his break. He really should be studying, but Rin was occupying his time with this awkward silence. Then, Ai turns his gaze towards the red haired man who looked like he wanted to say something, but is holding it in. Ai nervously scratches the inside of his palm, reading every move Rin made. The older male took two sips of his coffee, before rubbing the back of his neck, followed by another sip of his coffee. 

"Why haven't you told your friends, Nanase-san and Tachibana-san, about your return?" Rin looks at Ai, surprised. "I don't know you well enough the way Nanase-san and Tachibana-san knows you. There has to be a reason why you refuse to tell them that you're back right?"

Rin remains silent after Ai had spoken. He presses his lips into a thin line, avoiding Ai's gaze all together. Ai however was almost glaring at Rin. His old self would tell him not to look at Rin in such a way, but this is the new Ai. Ai didn't want to be kept hidden. No, Ai refused to be kept in the dark. Not like this. 

"Are you going to answer me, or not, Rin ?" Ai hisses, voice now laced with venom.  At this point, Ai had already stood up, towering over Rin as the older male slumps on his seat. Ai felt so much anger that the sight of Rin was enough to fuel the rage inside him. "Fine, I don't think I need to know anyway." Ai eventually turns around, walking away from Rin. 

There was twenty minutes left of Ai's break. The remainder of that time was spent in the back room, sobbing into his palm drenched with  tears. 

The clock read 6:47pm; thirteen minutes until closing time, and Ai couldn't be more happier. It was Sunday so closing was usually easier and much faster than any day of the week. Mostly because there was a lack of costumers during Sundays.

"Kimura-san, did you clean the counters?" Kimura replies from across a room with a loud 'yes' before continuing to mop the floors. Ai was checking the register to see if everything was in the right place such as the bills being in the right position and if each coin was of the same kind. 

"Hey, Ai-chan ?" Ai looks up and replies with a 'hm?' "That swimmer, Rin Matsuoka, did you happen to know him from somewhere?" Ai completely stops what he's doing and feels this mouth beginning to dry. "The two of you seemed really close, you know? Did the two of you happen to go to the same high school?"

Of course Kimura would be anything but oblivious to the pained subject. Ai figures that Kimura was unaware of the tension building up between him and  Rin  from earlier. It wasn't her place to pry, though. She had no business in his life nor Rin's. The same thing how Ai had no business with Rin's life. "Yeah we knew each other" Ai eventually replies. "We were teammates in the swim team"

As on cue, Kimura's eyes light up at the sudden realization that she knew someone who had a personal connection with Rin. "What was he like in high school? Was he shy? A ladies' man? Does he have a girlfriend? Oh Ai-chan please tell me!"

The questions came like bullets of an M16 machine gun. Ai could barely keep up. Once the question seized, Ai recollects himself and sighs to let out some steam building within. "Rin...well he was my senior in high school, and my roommate during my first year. He's a talented swimmer as you can see, so I always looked up to him. He was also a very vigorous captain with a heart of gold."

"Are you in love with Rin, Ai-chan ?"

Ai turns red almost immediately. "W-What made you say that?! How could I be in love with him? He's a man after all!"

Kimura giggles at Ai's reaction, flipping her long brown hair behind her. "The way you talk about him and the face that you make while talking about it makes it obvious that you're in love with him"

Ai was surprised that Kimura caught on fairly quickly. He felt ashamed to have ever underestimate her. "I'm not sure if I am though...Anymore at least" At this point, Ai's eyes starts to sting as tears threaten to fall once again. The last thing he wanted was to cry in front of anyone. So, he takes deep breaths, and feels himself calm down.

"W-we don't need to talk about him anymore! Sorry, Ai-chan I didn't think he would still affect you greatly."

Ai just shakes his head. "N-No, you're fine Kimura-san, I was just...it's nothing. We should just finish up with the cleaning okay?"

It takes them about an hour and a half to finish cleaning up the coffee shop and by now it was around 9:45 when Ai had left the shop. His workplace wasn't too far from his dorm, so walking back and forth wasn't that much of an issue. However, the changing of the seasons pose as a problem for Ai. Ai never liked the cold, and he was very sensitive to it. It doesn't help that he greatly dislikes bundling up. Ai would rather lay in a nest of blankets of pillows to keep warm rather than a bulky jacket.

The temperature was about in  the thirties Fahrenheit or negative one Celsius. Ai could feel his hands getting numb as he curses himself for not bringing gloves. Gloves were too much of a hassle as well. It was hard to grab things with them, and they made Ai's hand feel uncomfortable. The only thing he could do was push his hands inside his pockets, which helped minimally.

"What did I say about keeping yourself warm, Ai?" Ai stops walking for a split second before turning around to be met by Rin once again. "You get so cold easily, yet you forget the essential things to keep yourself warm" The red head takes off his own scarf and wraps it around Ai's neck. Then he removes his own gloves and puts them on for Ai. "Warmer?"

Ai's cheeks become red, not because of the cold, but it was because of Rin who generously offered to keep him warm. "Yeah..." He replies, eyes glued to Rin's red optics. 

"Good" Rin  gave Ai a toothy smile, showing off those peculiar teeth which sparked more of Ai's curiosity.Then silence was sparked once again. There was nothing but wind now and the occasional car that passes by once every couple minutes or so. "I'm sorry"

Ai cocks his head. "About what, Rin?"

"About today. I wasn't able to tell you why I came back because I don't know how to tell you and I'm scared on how you'll react." Rin removes his gaze from Ai and focuses on the ground. "I just want you to know that not knowing the truth yet is better for now than for you to find out , and the reason why Haru or Makoto or even Sousuke, doesn't know about this yet is because I trust you more than I trust them."

Those words sparked something in Ai that made his belly turn as butterflies invade them once again. This feeling was the same feeling when he saw Rin about five years. Has it been three years? Gosh it's been too long. "Are you going to tell me eventually?" Rin nods. "I'm glad..."

Rin places his warm hand against Ai's cheek as his thumb caress the younger male's cheek. Ai can't help but lean into it. He feels warm when Rin is touching him this way. He feels safe. "I have to go, Ai. I'll see you around" And just like that,  thewarmth left Ai's cheek, leaving a hollow, cold, and numb feeling. This was the same feeling he felt two years ago. That sudden numbness that rushed into his being. Ai could never forgive Rin for giving him a similar feeling.

The next morning, Ai gets ready for his first class which was thankfully at ten in the morning. He arrives ten minutes early and takes a seat in his usual seat. Nothing was out of place so far until a familiar voice calls out to him. "AI-CHAN!"

Ai removes his gaze from his notes to stare at the frantic Kimura running into class, carrying her laptop with her. "Kimura-san?"

Kimura places her laptop onto Ai's desk then points at it. "You have to read this, Ai-chan! You have to!"

Something big must've happened to get Kimura all riled up like this. Ai turns his attention to the laptop which had some article from what seems to be a reliable source. 

_** "International Swimmer Rin Matsuoka Engaged And Moves Back To Japan To Be With Future Wife" ** _

Ai reread each word from the beginning to the end until it finally hit him. Rin returned to Japan because he plans on getting married. Suddenly his world just turns dark and his chest becomes heavy. He feels as if his throat has been constricted by some sort of inhuman being. "I-I need some air." Ai pushes Kimura out of the way (but does so in a polite manner) and quickly exits the classroom. 

Ai finds himself in the washroom, leaning against one of the sinks. He slowly lifts his head to stare at his reflection. His face was plae, as if he had seen a ghost. He hadn't expect Rin to come back, and he certainly didn't expect to have read an article containing Rin's private life. What was this? His chest feels like it's on fire while his insides melt into a disgusting puddle of goo. Is this what heartbreak feels?


	5. Divulge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy thanksgiving! I'm happy to be able to post this. I finished writing last night but fell asleep right after. Everything has been entirely busy for me but I'm just glad I have some time to write. Also, this chapter also contains anxiety so please if that bothers you, read with caution. Always read my notes just in case there are trigger warnings. This fic will certainly have trigger warnings in the future so please always make sure you read the author notes if you can.

He feels like he was drowning, not with water, but with fire. His breathing seizes all together while his chest burns from his attempts to recover oxygen he had lost. Ai clenches his chest as he collapses on the tile floor of the bathroom. He tries to call for help but nothing comes out of his mouth. Instead, there was a mass of heaving. Then, Ai's vision begins to blur until all he could see was an image of blonde curly hair.

Ai wakes up in an unfamiliar room. The walls were painted white and the room was awfully bare. He tries to stand up but no avail as his body was too weak to move. There was something going up his nose, then he notices it was just an oxygen tube. The events beforehand was a blur to Ai, but the room was evidence enough that Ai was transported to the hospital.

"Nitori-san?" Ai directs his attention towards the nurse who had just entered the room. "Are you feeling better" Ai tries to speak, but nothing comes out. Instead he just nods. "Good, the doctor will be here with you shortly"

The nurses takes notes of his vitals signs, then checks the machines before leaving the room. Ai could still remember the feeling of hurt and anxiety that had built up inside him when he saw the article that started this mess in the first place. Ai wants to close his eyes and sleep, but the constant beeping of the machine and the oxygen pumping up his nose were enough to keep him awake for now.

Someone knocks on the door followed by it opening. The doctor stands by the doorway for a full second before entering and taking a seat by Ai's bed side. "Nitori Aiichirou, age eighteen, suffered a moderate anxiety attack, is that correct?" Ai just stares, but wants to speak. "I suppose so. My name is Dr. Yamada. I was the one who took care of you when your friend brought you in. You couldn't breathe and you eventually passed out. I pumped the IV with some calming medicine so you'll recover from your anxiety attacks. Has this ever happened before?"

Ai shakes his head. He doesn't recall a time where he had an anxiety attack before. At first Ai just felt that he was going to die. He wanted to speak once more, but his throat begins to clench.

"Don't try to speak now, Nitori-san. It's normal for students like you to have an anxiety attack, especially with finals coming up, am I correct?" Ai doesn't shake or nod his head. "I'm going to prescribe you some anti-depressants to hopefully help you with your anxiety. Take the pill at least once a day and your nerves should calm down. We might keep you here for about a day or two before discharging you" The doctor gets up then bows politely before leaving the room

Ai feels a heavy weight on his shoulder suddenly becoming heavier. This feeling was unbelievably stressful and all he wants to do was fall asleep. He wants to fall asleep and never wake up. At this point, Ai wishes that this was just a dream.

After spending two days in the hospital, Ai was finally discharged. Sena met with him as the aloof character helps Ai wheel out of the hospital. "Thanks, Sena-san" Sena hums in return and wheels Ai all the way to his car.

"Are you alright to walk?" Sena asks, and Ai nods, shaking as he tries to stand up. Sena frowns and goes under to support Ai. "Don't push yourself"

Ai mumbles a small apology before leaning his whole body weight against Sena. Sena was a lot stronger than he looks, but maybe that's because Ai was light for his size. "Don't strain yourself too, Sena-san"

Sena doesn't reply, but instead carries Ai into the passenger seat of his car then helps him buckle in. "You scared me, Nitori. I'm just glad you're okay" Sena hops into the driver seat after he made sure Ai was alright and leaves the hospital parking lot. "I brought you all the notes you missed. I went through all of your professors and asked if they could print out the notes they took. I'll give you all of them when we get to your place."

"Sena-san?"

"Yeah?"

"Can we go to your place instead? I don't want to be alone" Sena thinks for a moment before sighing in defeat.

"Yeah, we can go to my place if you want. I'm totally not against that"

Ai beams a smile at Sena before closing his eyes. His mind hurts and his chest ached from everything that happened these past few days. Luckily, the prescription that Dr. Yamada gave him were helping him. Minimally at least.

"How are you feeling, Nitori?" Sena asks.

"I'm doing well now. I couldn't speaking for a while, but now I feel much better. Thanks for picking me up and also taking me to the hospital. I wouldn't know what I would do without you. Sena-san I'm just so—“

"I get it, Nitori" Sena groans, not in a rude way. "You're fine now. No need to thank me. We're friends after all, right?"

Ai thinks for a bit. Are they really friends? If so, why not refer to each other by their first names. "J-Jun-kun"

Sena just looks at Ai, baffled at what came out of his friend's lips. "Did you just...?"

"W-we're friends right? It's about time we use each other's first names"

Sena looks out with a conflicted look on his face. "A-Aiichirou" He mumbles out.

"You can just call me Ai" Ai corrects.

"Fine, Ai" Ai smiles brightly, feeling warmth coming back to his stomach. "But don't expect me to make a habit of calling you that, okay?"

"You got it, Jun-kun!"

"Remove the honorifics please. You really are from the country"

Ai laughs nervously with pink dusting across his cheeks. "Right. Jun it is, right?"

Sena just nods.

"Yeah, I thought so"

Once arriving at Sena's apartment, the two were greeted by Sena's ever so happy-go-lucky roommate. "Jun-chan! Ai-Chan! I'm so glad that you're back!" The tall lanky man lunges forward to take both of the men by the door into a bear-like hug.

Ai smiles at this gesture and hugs him back. "Don't worry Kuroi-san. I'm fine now"

Sena had a different reaction. He tries to push Kuroi away from him. "I swear to god, Chiharu! Get off me!"

Kuroi does what Sena tells him and continues to hug Ai's small, lithe body. "Jun-chan was so worried about you, Ai-chan! He was constantly calling the hospital to see if you were okay! I told him he could visit, but he just too shy to go!"

"Chiharu, please shut up. You're giving me a headache" Sena peels off his jacket and shoes and throws them somewhere on the floor before walking over to the couch and flopping down on it.

"Jun-chan is so cold" Chiharu whines. "Anyway, Ai-chan. Are you feeling better at least?"

Ai nods. "Yeah. Dr. Yamada gave me something to calm my nerves, so I guess I should be fine. I won't be going to work until I feel a little better. Right now, Dr. Yamada wants me to rest for another two days before going back to school"

"You poor thing" Chiharu soothes Ai's hair before taking the smaller boy with him to the kitchen. "Hungry?"

Ai had to admit that hospital food wasn't the best so, eating anything but that stupid excuse for food was making his mouth water and his stomach growl. "A little" Ai admits. Chiharu was happy to oblige. Ai took a seat by their tiny dining room table and got a clear view of Sena who was sleeping soundly on the couch. He doesn't know how much the man must've been worried, but Ai was glad that Sena was concerned for him.

"I heated some left-overs, is that fine, Ai-chan?" Chiharu places a plate of left over Chinese noodles and gave Ai a pair of chopsticks. Ai isn’t too surprised that they had some Chinese as their source of food. After all the two were broke college students. "I'm going to go to work, but Jun can take you home, right?" Ai turns back at Sena and nods. "Alright. I'm going to have to go!"

Ai watches Chiharu leave the room, waving goodbye. Ai waves back in return until the door was shut closed. Now it was just him and Sena in the room. After Ai had finished his noodles, he placed the plate in the sink and rinses out some of the sauce that was stuck on the plate. Then, he proceeds to join Sena on the couch.

"What happened, Ai?" Ai turns to Sena who was just waking up from his nap. "I don't want to pry, but I’m concerned”

“It was nothing, I'm fine”

“Stop lying, Ai. You're a shitty liar” Ai flinches at Sena's words and that got Sena feeling a little bad. “Sorry, we don't have to talk about it”

“No it's fine.” Ai takes a deep breath as he pulls his knees to his chest. “Remember that senior I was talking about? The one I like?” Sena nods. “The reason why he came back is because he's getting married. I felt my heart breaking in two. I might actually love him.”

Sena places a gentle hand on top of Ai’s head, as he soothes out the hair that was there. “You can cry” Ai looks up at Sena, feeling confused. However, his gentle hand raged a storm down on Ai’s heart as tears became to fall down his cheeks. Ai leans against Sena as the blonde wraps his arms around the smaller male. Ai feels safe, safer than he has ever felt. He doesn't want it to end ever. Before he realizes, he falls asleep wrapped in Sena's arms.

Ai woke up in Sena's bed. The digital clock on the side read that it was 6:57am. Sena should be awake at this point, so there was no need to panic if Ai exits the room to an empty apartment. Ai feels completely isolated right now. He wants to hide away the pain he feels within him and want to feel better again. But he knows that he's not the same anymore.

The clock read 7:13am when Ai decides to remove himself from the warm comfort of Sena's bed. He walks out to find Kuroi making some coffee in the kitchen. Ai stands there silently until Chiharu's bright green eyes met with his blue ones. "Morning" Kuroi greets him. "How did you sleep?"

"Well" Ai lies. He walks over to where Kuroi was and Kuroi hands him a cup of coffee.

"Jun-chan told me you like your coffee sweet, so I brought out the creamer and the sugar. Jun and I like our coffees black"

Ai nods and directs himself towards the coffee creamer and sugar. He pours in an excessive amount of creamer and sugar until any human would find the liquid horribly sweet. Ai's sweet tooth was rather inhumane.

Kuroi watches Ai in horror but chooses not to comment on it as well. "Jun-chan also told me that your pills are in your bag. I made some eggs since you have to take your pills with a full stomach, am I correct?"

"Yeah, but after breakfast I should go home. I'll take the subway. You and Jun have been too kind to me these past few days"

"Don't be silly, Ai-chan. Stay until you feel better"

Ai forces a smile up at Kuroi and seats himself by the dinner table where he was served with eggs and some toast with butter. "Thanks" he mumbles before ripping the toast apart and dipping it on the still runny yolk.

"I don't have any classes today,so it's just you and me. Jun should be home around three,so how about you and I go shopping in the meantime? I'll also treat you somewhere?"

"Alright" Ai can't really deny the offer. What had happened these past few days were burnt inside Ai's mind. Perhaps going out and being an actual social human being would be enough to ease some of the worries in his mind.

"Great! I'll go take a shower first. You just sit here and finish your breakfast okay?"

It's a good twenty minute train ride to the heart of downtown Shibuya. Kuroi doesn't like to drive and both he and Sena were sharing the car and it was Sena's turn to drive. "Does this bother you?" Kuroi asks as they step out of the train.

"What does?"

"The crowd. I read up that some crowds can trigger anxiety attacks"

Ai shakes his head in response. He handles crowds well, so there isn't much of a problem. "No, not really. After I've living a year in Tokyo, the crowd doesn't bother me anymore"

"That's good" Kuroi takes Ai's hand and leads him out of the subway. Once out of the subway, Ai was hit with the extreme amount of people, walking about the city streets. The cars were honking loudly against Ai's ears as many other sounds create a chaotic harmony. The smell in the air was thick; it was unlike the smell he got from Iwatobi. Ai feels small in this big city, but with Kuroi with him, he feels safer. "Hey, I know this really cool cat café that you might be interested in?"

The small mention of cat café sparks a small tinge of Ai's interest. "A cat café?"

"Yeah! A cat café! It's really cool! You get to play with cats, eat with cats, and feet the cats! I've been to several before. I heard it's really therapeutic."

Ai appreciates the effort Kuroi is making, but he really didn't mention the therapeutic part. He doesn't comment on it however. "Yeah let's go check it out then"

Kuroi flashes a smile at Ai and leads him to a fifteen minute walk to a heavily popular cat café. There were a lot of people there, but it seems that people were playing with cats more than ordering food. Kuroi and Ai are seat themselves by the corner where several cats gathered. A waitress comes over and ask if they'd like to order. The two of them orders two strawberry shortcakes and the waitress tells them to wait for their order.

Several cats approach them and immediately Ai goes to grab one of them and began patting its head. The cat purred at the gesture and nuzzles its head right against Ai's chest.

"He seems to like you" Kuroi says, reaching over to pet the cat who had taken refuge on Ai's lap. "He's pretty cute, right?"

Ai nods, agreeing. "Yeah, I wish I could keep cats in my dorm room though. We aren't allowed to have pets or anything like that."

"My apartment allows pets, but Jun-chan hates animals" Ai laughs at that comment lightly.

"Sounds a lot like Jun"

"It's weird" Kuroi says, in a more serious tone. It was unlike him to do so. "I've known Jun-chan since we were kids and I haven't seen him feel close to anyone.”

“We both have the same majors, and he does help me a lot with my English” Kuroi muses for a moment the gives Ai a peculiar smile.

“Maybe he's in love with you!”

Ai almost chokes and just stares at Kuroi blankly. “No way! We’re both men!”

Kuroi just laughs. “I'm kidding”

Not a moment later, their cakes arrive. Ai was the first one to dig in. Kuroi himself eats slowly as he wasn't a fan of sweets.

“But I am glad that you're Jun-chan’s friend. I'm his best friend and he doesn't even open up to me the way he does with you. I'm envious Ai-chan!”

Ai smiles at Kuroi and pats his shoulder. “I consider you my friend too, Kuroi-san”

Kuroi’s face lights up as he lunges forward to give Ai a hug. “I consider you my friend as well, Ai-chan!”

Ai smiles warmly and hugs the larger male. Even if he's away from home, he's found another one in Tokyo.

Their day was eventful. Both Kuroi and Ai did a little shopping until Ai could no longer remember the recent events that caused his anxiety. When they arrive at Sena and Kuroi’s shared apartment, the two walk in to find Sena sleeping soundly on the couch once again. “Aw man. Jun-chan does so much”

Ai grabs a blanket from the floor and places it on top of Sena’s body. “I should go home now. I had a lot of fun, Kuroi-san”

Kuroi hums in agreement. “Me too, and we could stop with the formalities now, okay Ai-chan?”

Ai nods. “Tell Jun that I left okay, and that I’m going to call him when I get home.”

Kuroi offers Ai a ride home but Ai politely refuses. “Take care, Ai-chan”

Ai takes his leave from the apartment and walk about twenty minutes to the train station and another thirty to forty minute ride to the station by his dorm. It doesn't take home for Ai to walk back from the station. When he got home, he immediately plops down onto his bed, feeling his whole body relax. He checks his phone right after to see if there were any messages. None so far. He wonders if he should call Sena, but the guy might still be asleep.

_Beep._

Ai received a skype message from Rin.

_rmatsuoka:_

_Ur coworker told me that u were in the hospital. Wat happened to u?_

_Are you okay?_

_Ai?_

_Please be okay._

Ai doesn't even reply to those messages. Instead he stares at them with great sadness before turning off his phone. That's enough of Rin. Ai is completely done obsessing over a daydream he can't achieve.

It takes Ai about a week to return to work. The anxiety pills did their job with keeping his nerves clear. Balancing school and work seemed a lot easier with the anti-depressants, and it seems to work with keeping Rin out of his head. It was a busy Monday, at noon. People are just coming in for lunch and Ai was taking orders and making coffee at the same time. It was actually quite crazy with only four different employees currently working the shift.

“Here's your green tea frap, sir!” Ai calls out and then hands the green delicious beverage to the costumes. The costumers flood the shop like the ocean. It was a never ending ocean of people trying to get another quick boost before their next class or shift. Ai wonders why he even works on Mondays. “Thank you have a good one!”

Rush hour comes and goes just like that and finally the shop is empty once again. All four employees were drained from the rush hour and they’re just relived that the demanding costumers are gone. Ai was in the back room again, trying to calm his nerves by playing a little card game on his phone.

“Ai-chan”

Ai turns his head towards the door to find Kimura with a worried expression. “What is it, Kimura-san?”

Kimura stands there for a little while, shifting on her feet. “Rin Matsuoka is here” she says, and Ai’s throat begins to clench. “He says he wants to see you.”

Ai can't help but clench his fist. He turns his gaze towards his fist, trying to breathe normally. The last thing he needs is a panic attack. “And he won't leave?” Kimura agrees. Ai sighs, as he stands up from his seat. The best thing to do is confront the man. “I'll go talk to him.”

“Are you sure Ai-chan? I mean—“

“No it's fine” Ai bravely leaves the room and walks towards the counter. He puts up a fabricated smile as he approaches Rin, and that's when the red head noted something odd about Nitori.

“Ai…”

“What is it?” Ai says, still smiling yet with a voice full of venom.

“I was worried about you. I though something ba—“

“Bad was going to happen? Why didn't you just tell me, Rin? Getting married? How is that hard? Are you just scared to tell me? Tell me Rin! Tell me!”

Rin stays silent, now avoiding Ai’s gaze. Ai, in this case, was furious now. The anxiety didn't come back, instead it was now full of rage.

“Is it because I've confessed to you back in high school? That was two years ago, Rin. I'm not going to get hurt” Ai half lies.

“I didn't have a say in the marriage” Rin finally says. “My fiancé, I don't love her. She's someone my grandfather picked for me so I can continue swimming. He threatened me, Ai. I didn't want you to get worried”

Ai’s face softens. “Arranged marriage?” Rin simply nods. “Do you even want to marry her?”

Rin looks conflicted. His eyes shift from one side to the other as his hands begin to shake. “Ai…I…” Rin trails off, and Ai begins to feel worried. “I love someone else. As much as I don't want to marry my fiancé, but being with someone I truly love is impossible”

Ai remains quiet. He feels his heart break again once more. He knows that person isn't him in the slightest. Ai could feel it. Now, it’s getting harder for Ai to look at Rin; sweet, beautiful, amazing, Rin. Oh how he loved the man, but this unrequited love needs to stop.

“I just wanted to say that I—“

“Ai” A voice cuts off Rin, then the of so convenient Sena jumps in. “Can I get two black coffees?”

“Sorry I have to work” Ai apologizes then returns to the register to ring up Sena’s order. On the other hand, Rin looks upset, with an almost angry look on his face. Once the coffees were done, Ai hands them to Sena then walks back to Rin. “You were saying?”

“Forget it, Ai. Nevermind” Like a child, Rin stuffs his hands in his pockets and storms out of the shop.

Ai stands there, feeling hurt and confused. Something inside him wants to run for Rin and scream, but another part of him wants to let go and remain to keep things the way they are. Ai was content with his life. He doesn't need Rin. No he doesn't. However, a strange impulse takes over his body as he run out of the door to catch up with Rin. “Rin!”

Rin stops in his tracks, before turning to face Ai.

“We’re not done. I need explanations! I can't take this anymore!” Ai’s eyes begin to water from the pain he had bottled inside.

Rin walks up to Ai, looking calmer than he was before. “Ai…” The man reaches over to caress Ai’s face. “The reason why I came back, and the reason why I refuse to marry my fiancé is because of you. Ai…I'm in love with you”


	6. Consultation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your comments guys! This chapter took a while because I had to work all weekend, but I can try updating every other day okay. In this chapter, it's going to be in Rin's perspective. I'm experimenting a little here. Also this chapter is shorter than the rest. I will be updating slower as well. I don't have much free time now since finals are coming up. I do want your reviews and feedback. It does help me become a better writer. I want to know what you guys think is good and what you think that isn't good. Please leave comments so I know what I need to work on. And as always, enjoy!

The pain against his cheek feels as if it lasted forever. His eyes were met with watering blue orbs as they quickly disappeared out of his sights. Rin stands there with his cheek starting to feel numb. His feet feel like they've stuck themselves onto the ground while he watches the love of his life walk away from him. He tries to speak but nothing comes out. Before he knows it, Ai was out of his sight. 

Rin feels empty, forgotten, and almost abandoned. There was a small ache in his chest that made him want to cry out in pain. He doesn't. Rin pivots his heels and starts to walk away from the coffee shop. The air suddenly turns colder the more he walks away, then he realizes it's just his chest starting to grow cold once more.

The door opens to reveal Sousuke, looking thoroughly surprised. “Rin?” The taller male gasps. “What are you doing back in Japan?”

Rin  swallows his pride and invites himself into  Sousuke’s  apartment. “It's the holiday season, bro”  Rin  simply replies. “What else?”

“Nice goatee” Sousuke snickers and in return Rin playfully kicks his best friend on the back of his knee. Sousuke then raises his brow suspiciously but decides to stay quiet. “Does Gou know you're here? Rin shakes his head no in response. “Okay…Who else knows you're here?”

Rin remains quiet and seats himself onto Sousuke’s couch. “Just you.” 

Sousuke follows Rin closely behind and seats himself next to his best friend. “What's up? You seem…not you. You grew out a goatee for crying out loud!”

“I don't? I think my goatee adds to my charm” Sousuke rolls his eyes. Rin groans and leans back against the couch. “Long day, that's all.”

“Long flight too?” Sousuke asks.

“Well about that…” Rin trails off, looking off to the other direction. “I've been here for a couple of days already.”

“What?”

“It's a long story Sousuke. Let me explain.” The two friends looks at each other intensely, as the heat rises in the room .

“Okay, I have a shit ton of time” 

Rin takes a deep breath, concentrating on how he's going to sequence the pass events. “It's about Ai.” He begins. “And my old man. He wants me to get married because swimming isn't a best career choice”

“What? Your granddad is like old as balls. Why does he want you to get married?”

“Something about my uncle getting disinherited or something and my mom ain't getting much from my old man, so it's just me. He wants me to take over his business or something.”

“Are you shitting me?”

Rin just shakes his head.

“And what about Nitori ? Didn't you mention him before or something”

Rin groans in frustration as he ruffled his own hair into a tangled mess. “Look. I was an idiot. I let Ai slip through my fingers once. I didn't want romance to stop me from my dream. Then my old man.. Rin takes a pause, breathes, then continues. “I feel like if I don't have him now, then I'll never do”

“Did you meet up with him?” Rin nods. “And then what happened?”

“He slapped me and cursed me out”

Sousuke howls out a laugh. “Little Nitori? Who follows you around like a duckling, slapping you and cursing you out? How mad was he?”

Rin sinks deeper into the couch feeling even more like shit. “Pretty fucking mad. You should've seen him, Sousuke. He was really mad at me and I can't do anything about it. For a bit, he looked like he was about to cry or something…”

“You fucked up”

“Yeah I know I fucked up. I don't need you to tell me that” Rin buries his head in his palms and lets out a frustrated cry. “What am I going to do, Sousuke?”

Sousuke places a  comforting hand against Rin’s back and gives him a reassuring smile. “Hey don't beat yourself up. The last thing you want to do is get bummed out. This isn't the Rin Matsuoka I know.”

The two of them laugh and Rin  puts on a small smile for his friend. “Hey doesn't Gou go to University of Tokyo? She said she was going to go into…uh… What's it called?”

“Nursing” Sousuke finishes.

Rin’s eyes widen then grabs Sousuke and puts him in a tight headlock. “How the hell do you even know that?”

“I go to the same fucking University! Idiot!” Rin removes his headlock and sighs. He's been away from his friends for a long time. “She comes over too. She says you don't call or write.”

Rin became silent. He stares at the ground, kicking it. He opens his mouth to say something but closes it quickly. He ponders on whether or not to say something. 

“It's just like back then Rin”

Rin stops to look at Sousuke in dis belief. The small reminder of the past presses a small pang of pain within Rin. However, the situation was different. Swimming wasn't a problem. Everything became a problem “Did you hit a wall or something?”

Rin shakes his head at first but nods eventually. “Yeah. I did” He could hear  Sousuke shift his seating beside him. “I was doing well at first. Swimming was great, I even beat  personal and international records. I was happy. Then, my old man decided that swimming ain't for me and that I should get married. So I was forced to get engaged to some girl who doesn't even want to love me . She just wanted my inheritance from my old man.”

“When did you realize you love Nitori ?”

Rin pauses, then frowns at Sousuke. “Shut up, I'm not done.” Sousuke puts his hands up in defense as Rin continues. “I don't know. I've always found the guy attractive you know? Then when I saw him the other day, I just couldn't help it. I knew I was attracted to guys too. I remember telling you this back then. But...I don't know. Ai makes my heart ache and yearn for him at the same time. ”

“That sounds like you Rin. Here I am, thinking that Little Rin grew out of his romantic side” 

“Shut up you!” Rin kicks Sousuke playfully and the two laugh. “But, I just wanted to see him at least once before you know? I regret my life”

“You depress me.” In return,  Rin  r olls his eyes. 

“Yeah I know. I don't want Ai to hate me.”

“When the time comes\--” 

Then there was a shuffling at the door followed by it opening. “I'm home!” A female voice calls out. Rin raises his eyebrow suspiciously before that said female entered the room.

“Gou?” Rin chokes. Gou just stands there frozen as her brother eyes her with surprise. “You live with  Sousuke ?”

Sousuke laughs nervously as he gets up from the couch. “I didn't know you were coming home early.”  He says as he gives Gou a peck on the cheek.

“Last class got cancelled. I ordered Chinese food so I didn't have to cook. Why're you home?”

Rin watches both his sister and his best friend interact so  casual with each other. Sousuke had his hand comfortably on Gou’s waist as Gou casually rests her head against Sousuke’s chest.

“What's going on here?” Rin muses.

“Shit” the pair said. 

“We’re…” Gou trails off.

“Fucking” Sousuke finishes which made Gou blush a million shades of red.

“Wait you fucked my sister?”

“For how long?”

“A year”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously”

Rin had a blank face on for about a minute, then  it quickly turns to a sinister smile. The redhead lunges forward and pins Sousuke to the ground. Sousuke fights back and the two trash around like two lions in combat. Gou however stares at the sight with a  blank face and decides to walk into the kitchen. About ten minutes later the two men are sitting on the couch being nursed by Gou. The two sustained minor injuries but nonetheless,  Rin  can't forgive Sousuke .

"I still can't believe you fucked my sister"

"I said I was sorry"

"Big brother please stop moving" Gou pipes

"Gou stay ou\--Ouch! That hurts!"

"I told you"

Sousuke snickers in the background and Rin shoots  him a deathly glare    .

"When did you come back, Big brother?" Rin turns to Gou who was still nursing his injuries caused by Sousuke and himself. "You didn't call or anything"

Rin stays silent for a while then decides to speak. "A while" He replies. "I don't know if mom told you but I'm getting married...Or engaged at least. I'm not marrying anyone yet"

Gou stares at her brother, as she finishes up on bandaging her brother's hand. "Grandpa is making you get married? Why?"

"He thinks swimming is a joke" 

"That's ridiculous! What are you going to do?"

"He's going to woo his old kohai from high school and they're going to live happily after" Sousuke adds. 

"Yeah, but he hates me" Rin sighs.

"Wait why?" Gou asks.

"I was a dick to him" At that, Gou frowns. "Okay! Okay! I wouldn't tell him the reason why I was here and he had to find out from a different source."

"You're an idiot" Gou says. "You have to tell him how you feel!"

"I did! And all I got was a slap on the face"

"Because you're an idiot, Rin" Sousuke adds.

"Oh shut up! I'm still pissed at you" Sousuke just rolls his eyes. 

"Okay shut up the both of you" Both Sousuke and Rin shuts up. "Anyway, why don't you just try calling him? Or try talking to some of his friends. See what's bothering him."

"Yeah but he's not going to talk to me"

"Try"

Rin took Gou's advice and return back to the coffee shop. This time he was accompanied by Sousuke and his sister. "Okay...I don't th ink he's even working right now. "

"More reason to go in there!" Gou urges his brother inside. Once inside, Rin scans his eyes around for any signs of Ai, and so far, Ai wasn't in the shop. "Do you see anyone that might know Ai?"

Rin  focuses towards to cashiers to see if there was anyone who he knew or has been seen with Ai. Then, a familiar brunette appears. "Her." He walks up to Kimura who thought she was being sneaky with her phone. " Yo " Rin says.

Kimura lets out a small yell before looking up to see Rin's intimidating face. "M-Matsuoka- sama ?!" She squeaks. "W-What are you doing here? Ai-chan's not here right now"

"I'm not here for Ai. I'm here to ask you a question"

Kimura looks at Rin confused. "What do you need?"

"Does Ai ever mention me?" 

"Yeah" Kimura replies.

"He does?!"

"Yeah he called you some pretty nasty stuff. I suggest not talking to him or at least try to handle your situation like adults. He's pretty pissed at what you did you know"

"You fucked up" Both Sousuke and Gou adds.

"I get it oh my god" Rin groans.

"I can help you though" Kimura says which sparked the trio's interest .

"How?" Rin asks.

"I know Ai-chan's schedules and his work times so I can provide you with that and the things Ai likes. He likes--"

"Sweet things" Rin cuts her off. "I know. I've lived with him for a year. Here have my number and text me things about Ai. We'll keep in contact. Just don't give out my number"

"Also shave off that goatee" Kimura adds.

"I told you!" Gou chirps. "It looks weird on you!"

Rin inevitably rolls his eyes. "Yeah, yeah sure. I like it shut up."

"Well, Matsuoka- sama , I'll keep in contact. I do need to kick you out if you aren't buying coffee, so have a good day!"

The trio got kicked out from the shop since none of them wanted to buy coffee. Then Rin receives a message from Kimura which has information about Ai's schedule. It was a pretty organized schedule and it was easy to follow. "What's that?" Gou asks.

"It's Ai's schedule" Rin replies.

"What are you going to do?"

Rin shrugs. "I guess the first thing I'll have to do is apologize to him. Patch things up, you know?"

"Are you going to try to win him over?" Gou asks. "I mean you said you were in love with him"

"I am...I'm just confused.

Sousuke hovers over and places a supporting hand over his best friend's shoulder. "And what about your grandpa?"

"I'm going to tell him I'm gay and I want to be with Ai. I'll also tell him to suck my cock"

"That's a hella gay statement, dude" Sousuke laughs "Hey, no matter what happens, your old man isn't going to make you marry some ugly rich chick or something"

"I guess you're right." Rin looks back down on his phone to look at times when Ai is working. "Ai is working tomorrow afternoon. I should go see him and see if I could apologize"

"Is that the best thing right now?" Gou says, feeling concerned for her brother. "What if he-- "

"It's okay. I'm still not marrying her, even if the world depended on it" 

Sousuke laughs. "Yeah, okay. Come on let's go get some ramen! My treat!"

"Sou-chan! You always know what I want!" Gou tackles her lover and hugs his arm, admiring his beautiful biceps. "Oh I love you~"

"I love you more~" Sousuke replies.

"I love you best!"

Rin  follows closely behind, feeling the heat of being a third wheel. He doesn't mind. As long as Sousuke doesn't hurt Gou, he was fine. Just watching them made him feel lonely. However, when he thinks of Ai, he doesn't feel so lonely anymore.

"Hey big bro! Hurry up!"

Rin looks up to see Sousuke and Gou up ahead more. He smiles and runs towards them. Perhaps he will look forward to starting anew with Ai.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also don't hate me for shipping SouGou. I do what I want :P


	7. Insight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I've been super busy lately and I haven't posted anything up in two weeks! I'm so sorry about that, but after Friday (12/19) I will be able to do more updating since it's winter break for me. Please, I would like some feedback! Comment on it so I know what you guys think and what you guy want more of. And of course I appreciate the kudos and the bookmarks. All of those mean so much to me. I will keep updating and hope that I finish this fan fic soon.

Warmth. That's what Ai feels as soon as he wakes up. Protective arms are wrapped around him as soft breathing tickle the top of his head. Slowly, he gets up from his position, only to be met by Sena's sleeping figure. Ai panicked slightly before removing Sena's arms around him. He could recall the past events where Sena had took him home the day before and crying into his arms. Even with all the movement, Sena is still asleep on the couch. Ai just sits there as he watches his friend breathe peacefully with his chest rising and falling. All Ai wants to do is go back to sleep.

"Ai...?" Sena calls out, shuffling in his sleep. Finally he gets up, rubbing his eye. "What time is it?"

Ai glances over to the clock on the far wall which read 00:17. "It's noon" Ai replies, and Sena just groans. "Do you have classes today, Jun?"

Sena shakes his head. "And you, Ai?"

Ai nods. "I do, but I slept through it. It's not an important class though"

Sena finally gets up and walks over to the kitchen to get something to eat. Ai follows closely behind with his gaze onto the ground. "Are you okay now?" Ai stops to look at Sena who looked the other direction. "I just want to know if you are. Last night you were crying and I-"

"I'm fine" Ai interrupts. “I really am. I also need to go home. I've got a lot of homework and thinking”

“I can take yo-“

“Alone” Ai’s voice was firm and Sena has nothing else to say. Sena stands there quietly and nods his head. “But that you though”

Ai hugs Sena and Sena in return hugs him back with much hesitation. “Call me when you get home”

“I promise” Ai removes himself from Sena’s embrace and quickly walks out the door. Sena always knew how to make him feel better. Ai was fortunate to have Sena as a friend.

* * *

 

The walk to the station, and the ride to home was quite uneasy. It almost made Ai regret not taking Sena's offer. However, what's done is done. Once arriving in his dorm room, Ai quickly jumps onto his small bed. His room almost felt foreign. After days in the hospital and sleeping over Sena’s place, the place he once called home is being coming a stranger to him.

“This sucks” Ai mumbles to himself as he grabs the quilt beside him. He wraps himself up into a right burrito as his eyes starts to drift to a close. He'll call Sena in the morning if he has to.

About two minutes into his nap, Ai’s phone begins to ring. Ai jumps awake and quickly take his phone out of his pocket. He didn't even check who the caller might be. “Hello?” He answers, voice strained and dried.

“Oh shit, did I wake you?” Sena says from the other line.

“Yes and no” Ai replies. “You sort of just called me while I was about to fall asleep. Good thing you did, or I would've slept all day”

Sena laughs, his voice low and husky that causes Ai’s heard to turn. “Yeah a shithead like you would probably do something like that.”

Ai pouts, hoping that Sena knows that he's actually pouting on the other line. “Did you call me to be mean to me?”

“Yes and no” Sena replies. “I called to check in you and to make sure you're taking care of yourself. You're not very good at doing that you know”

A smile creeps upon Ai’s face then quickly disappears. “I'm an adult now. I can take care of myself”

“You say that but remember the first time you got stressed out and I have to save your ass”

Ai blushes. “That was a long time ago!”

“Yeah, okay. I just hope you're okay, Ai”

Ai remains silent for awhile, smiling from ear to ear. “Thank you for your concern, Jun”

“I have to get to work, so I’ll see you soon” Sena hangs up right after.

Ai puts down his phone and quickly lays back down. He feels like a big amount of pain is still weighing him down. No matter what, Rin’s words still echo through his mind.

_“I’m in love with you”_

Ai should be happy right? Knowing that he is loved back is the best feeling. Then why does he feel like crying? He buries his head onto his pillow and thinks long and hard about his situation. Does he even love Rin even after finding out that he's engaged? Probably. Yet, he feels angry for some reason. Confronting Rin would be too dangerous in Ai’s eyes. He would need to use it as a last resort.

Defeated, Ai gets up from his bed and decides to go out shopping or something to get things off his mind. Perhaps some coffee would be best as well.

When he left the dorms, Ai took a train ride to downtown Shibuya to visit the cat café once more. He figures that if he's around those sweet, magnificent, creatures, then his nerves would calm down just a tiny bit. Regardless, he does enjoy the iced tea that the cat café served.

Despite being a popular café, the café itself wasn't very busy. Ai took a seat by the back corner next to a sleeping tabby cat. The tabby looks at Ai before crawling onto his lap. Ai smiles back in return and pets it's beautiful red fur. At this moment, Ai feels calm.

"How can I help you today?" Ai turns to the waitress and for a second he thought it was Rin right in front of him. Instead the person he saw was no other than Gou Matsuoka.

"G-Gou-san?" Ai stutters.

Gou's eyes widens as well, quickly realizing who the person she was waiting on. "Ai?" It was quite a small world. Just yesterday she was talking to her brother about Ai, and now here he is. "I didn't know you lived in Tokyo"

Ai nods. "Yeah I happen to go University of Tokyo for Marine Biology"

"No way! I go to the same university too! Except I'm doing nursing." Gou sits down net to Ai and takes the cat who had been rubbing against her leg for the past five minutes. "Explains why I haven't seen you in a while. Anyway, what's up?"

Ai smiles meekly at Gou and shrugs. "Not much. I was just you know? Trying to do the best that I can"

Gou listens intently while nodding her head at the same time. "Well...You know what? Nevermind..."

Ai raises his brow suspiciously, and ponders whether or not to ask about Rin's whereabouts. It's not that he cares, but he's curious. Perhaps speaking to Rin might reach some peace. "You work here?"

Gou hums and nods. "Yeah, I need to have some extra money on hand"

Ai silently agrees. Then, Ai turns away, pondering whether or not if he wants to ask Gou about Rin. Despite the long thinking, he asks. "How's Rin?"

That catches Gou off guard. "He's fine" She replies

"Oh..." Ai goes quiet once more as Gou sits there awkwardly.

"Actually, Ai..." Ai looks back at Gou. "He isn't okay. He's at my apartment right now eating a big tub of ice cream. He misses you"

A small blush appears across Ai's face. "Why did he keep that a secret from me?"

Gou shrugs. "You and I both know that my brother is an idiot. He can't express his feelings well. If you just talk to him, I'm sure he'll tell you how he completely feels about you." She pauses as she places a comforting hand on Ai's shoulder. "He adores you"

"Well, if he does, then why hasn't he called? Or emailed? Or anything?"

Gou remains quiet once more. "It's because he hit a wall. It's just like him to keep things inside. After work, I'll have my boyfriend pick you up so you can talk to Rin"

"No!" Ai suddenly gets up. "I can't. I'm not ready to face him, yet"

Gou makes a face but quickly disappears. She figures that her brother needs some time to think as well. "Alright" She says. "But I'm going to give you my number so we can keep in touch"

"I should give you mine as well" Ai gives Gou his phone and Gou does the same. The two type their contact information, so that they can keep in contact. "But, thanks for talking to me, Gou-san. I think I really needed to talk to you"

Gou smiles and nods. "Well, would you still like to order?"

"Ah! Yes!"

* * *

 

A couple of days after meeting with Gou, Ai finds himself thinking about Rin more and more until he finally couldn't take it anymore. Confrontation was the only way Ai could find his peace. He sits on his bed for nearly an hour before dialing Gou's number. It took three rings before a familiar female voice came on the other line. "Hello? Ai?"

Ai's throat constricts for one moment, words unable to come out from his lips. Soon, he starts to breathe softly again, as he tells himself that it's going to be okay. "I need to talk to Rin if that's okay"

"Rin's not here right now" Gou replies. "He's with Sousuke right now."

"Could you tell him I want to meet up with him by the coffee shop where I work? I really, really need to talk to him"

“Yeah, I’ll tell him”

Ai smiles, satisfied with her answer. “Thanks Gou I appreciate it” He quickly hangs up the phone and hurries up to get ready. However, before he does, he texts Gou once more, letting her know the time that he’ll be at the coffee shop. He tells her that he’ll be there at around 3pm. Not long after, Goi replies with a ‘k’

Ai leans back against his chair, closing his eyes and feeling his chest grow heavier and heavier by the moment. He should take some of his anxiety pills, but what good will that do? Moments later his phone rings.

His eyes shot open and immediately his hand goes to grab his phone. It was a call from Sena. He answers after about two more rings before hearing Sena’s deep voice come into the line. “Ai, are you feeling okay?” A smile appears on Ai’s face. Sena recently started calling Ai to make sure he's alright. Ai finds this a very endearing gesture.

“I'm fine. I'm going to go talk to Rin right now”

There was silence on the line. “Are you sure?” Sena asks.

“Yeah I'm sure”

“Okay…I got to go. I have somewhere to go” Sena’s tone becomes much softer, making Ai feel suspicious. “See you”

“Okay… See you too” Ai hangs up and places his phone back onto his desk. Sena was acting odd just a moment ago. Ai feels that he did something that might've upset Sena. However, Sena should get over it.

* * *

 

At the coffee shop, Ai got there first. He orders a coffee with lots of creamer and sugar then tells Kimura about his meeting with Rin. “No way! You're going to confront him?”

“Please keep it down.” Ai shushes. “Please tell him I'm over by that table. I don't want anyone listening to our conversation” he points to the table on the far corner. “Especially you” Ai gives her a look and Kimura in return raises up her hands in defense. “I don't want him to think I hate him though. It's been long enough.”

“You made it seem obvious that you did” Kimura asks. “He says he's in love with you, right? You have nothing to worry about”

Ai tightens his grip around the coffee cup and swallows hard. “I guess. I should sit down now”

“Good luck!”

Ai walks over to the table on the far corner and seats himself comfortably on the seat by the wall. He sets his coffee on the table as he takes out his phone. He goes on his phone for awhile to make it seem like he's busy. He didn't wait long for a familiar red head appears in front of him.

“Have you been waiting long?” Ai looks up to see Rin looking absolutely exhausted.

“No” he replies.

“That's good” there was a long awkward pause before Rin starts to talk. “Ai…I don't want to get married”

Ai stares at Rin doubtfully. “I know, but still doesn't give you the excuse not to speak with me for two years”

Rin opens his mouth to speak but nothing comes out. He looks down on the table, clenches his fist, then relaxes. “Do you still love me?”

Ai freezes for a moment, and ponders. “N-no.” He hesitates.

“You're a terrible liar, Ai” The two stare at something else for the meanwhile, occasionally one would sip their cups of coffee. “As for me…” Rin begins again. “I still love you, Ai.”

“Bullshit” Ai sweats, (which for the record he rarely does)

“I swear it's true!” Rin defends.

“You know what? This was a bad idea” Ai gets up and leave, walking hastily towards the door. Rin follows behind his pursuit until they were outside. Suddenly, Ai feels Rin’s fingers wrapped around his wrist tightly before pulling him into a kiss. Surprised by Rin’s actions, Ai pushes Rin back, and slaps his face once more. “I already told you how I felt!”

Rin stands back, as he places a hand onto the slapped cheek, watching Ai’s face grow red and his eyes water. “I know, but I’m not going to give you up, Ai. I'm not going to marry her, I'm going to try to win you back.”

“Please don't say stuff like that…” Ai chokes back a sob. “Please don't…”

Rin slowly steps forward, with one foot and the next. He reaches forward to place a gentle hand against Ai’s cheek. “I want to. It's true”

“Why? Why now? I confessed years ago! You never gave me an answer!”

“Don't you remember Ai?” Ai looks up suddenly. “I told you that I’m going to wait for you, go to Australia to become the man you want to be with… I told you I loved you that day”

Suddenly the memories comes crashing down once more. Ai remembers clearly how Rin’s hand felt on his head as he pats him, and the way Rin said ‘I love you faithful day.

“Did you forget, Ai?”

Ai nods slowly, with the tears rushing down his face.

Rin smiles and wipes away the tears from Ai’s face. “Could we just start over again? I want to do this right. Win your heart the way I did, and then, I'll show you a sight you've never seen”

A smile forms across Ai’s face and leans his head against Rin’s chest. “You're right about one part about me, Rin. I'm not a very good liar.”

“So, are you still in love with me?” Ai nods and that was enough to pull Ai into one more deep kiss. This time, Ai didn't pull away.

By the time they pulled away, Ai was blushing up a storm. Rin couldn't help but smile. It was a beautiful moment and Ai can't help but feel happy once again. “What about your fiancé? What is she going to do? More importantly, what are you going to do?”

Rin shrugs. “You'll need to meet my old man. I'll tell him you're the one I've fallen in love with, and nothing is going to change that. Also the old man is going to accept that swimming is my life whether he likes it or not.”

“Is your grandfather going to get mad?”

“I don't care. I'm an adult now”

Ai presses his nose against Rin's hard chest. He felt warm in the cold fall air. The way he fits perfectly well in Rin's arms made Ai feel light hearted, happy, and a little lighter on his feet. "Despite that, Rin...I didn't wait for you. I forgot all about that day and I don't deserve you"

Rin lifts up Ai's face so they were facing each other, eyes meeting one another. "Hey, don't say that. I don't care." Rin smiles, showing off his peculiar teeth. "You're here with me, and that's what matters the most"

Ai couldn't help but turn a shade darker than he was before. He tries to look away, but the grip on his chin made it hard for him to look away. Rin was so handsome, mature, and sweet. Ai could barely breath from the older male's piercing gaze. "You say that like it's an easy thing"

"It's not. Took me long enough to figure out"

Ai laughs. "Alright, I get it" He untangles himself from Rin's hold and stands about a feet away. "I'm glad I got to talk to you today, Rin. I got everything out of my chest"

Rin smiles in return. "Me too"

Ai turns his heel and begins to walk the other direction. "I've got to go."

"When can I see you again?" Rin calls out as Ai halts.

"How about a date next week? You and me, no one else, okay?" Ai winks at Rin before walking off.

Rin could feel heat against his cheek then finally falls onto his knees, covering his face. "Why does he have to be so cute...?"


End file.
